When you can't sleep at night
by The Sand Assassin
Summary: "Please don't hate me." He had made a big big mistake, and he supposed he could blame it on the alcohol. But that didn't change the fact that he had actually raped his best friend. James/Sirius


_Alright, this is my first smut story, so be nice. _

_Disclaimer : Don't own anything, not doing this to earn any money_

_Warning: Rape, smut and slash. Don't like don't read_

_Sorry for all grammar mistakes. _

**When you can't sleep at night**

There was a big party at the Griffindor tower today. James Potter and the team had won over the Slitherin's in today's Quidditch match. To celebrate this, the Marauders had sneaked down to Hogsmead and acquired a large amount of candy and alcohol. The Hogwart kitchen supplied the food for the party.

And the party, as Sirius thought with a grin, was a big success. As every party the marauder's held was.

Sirius Black was currently serving the first and second graders firewhiskey. They had been staring awestruck at the elders when they sipped on their glass with the flaming liquid. The fire wasn't dangerous, they were magical and therefore didn't burn when drunk. But it still looked cool and dangerous. It also served as frightening kids from not daring to drink it, in case dangerous. It had therefore been for this reason the Marauders had started drinking firewhiskey, because it looked dangerous.

Anyway, Sirius, in the influence of said drink, had enquired the younger kids if they wanted a taste. Fifteen of the bravest first- and second year graders stood now in front of the older student waiting to get a taste of the infamous fire drink. Many tales had been told about it from the older population of Hogwarts. Like that a sip burned like the fires of hell down your throat, and that some people had had their face melted while drinking it. The marauders themselves had even come up with a couple of the rumors.

Sirius finished pouring the liquid into the last glasses and smirked at the youngers. "You can blow out the flames first if you are skittish to try."

Four or five of the kitties decided that they didn't want to try to drink fire whiskey just yet. They quickly retreated with some mumbling excuse. Sirius didn't blame them. He had himself been reluctant to drink it at first, but his best friend, James Potter, had dared him to do it. And a Black Never went back on a dare. At least not this Black.

Thinking about said best friend, Sirius let his eyes wander around the room. He spotted him by the food table, talking to a red headed girl. James Potter was a tall, skinny boy. His hair was always a mess, like a dragon nest. This gave it the impressive that most of what James did was a mess. But Sirius knew different. James always had control over his mess. A controlled mess, James used to call it. He always knew where all his things were, even if they were spread around the room. If you started cleaning up after him, he would start shouting at you that know he can't find his things, and wear socks in different colours an entire week in protest.

One time Remus had picked up James's glasses, which somehow had gotten under said boy's shoes, while James was taking a shower, and laid them on the other boy's nightstand. Needless to say, James got pissed, and refused wearing his glasses. This ended up with a couple of Potions, Transfigurations and charms accidents. Not to mention a couple of broken bones and Minerva's eyebrows. In the end, the teachers had begged James to "Please for Merlin's sake" use his glasses again.

Sirius sniggered when the red haired girl threw her drink at him and stalked away with a grumpy, but satisfied, look. James was left with a wet face and shirt, staring miserable after the girl like a kicked puppy. The red head name was Lily Evans. She was a teachers pet. Good, smart, clever, gorgeous and walked like she had a broomstick up her arse. James had had a crush on her for years, but Lily just shot him down, often literally with a curse or two.

Sirius shook his head. He couldn't understand how she could just say no to James like that. Half the girls at school were swooning after him. But he had always had his eyes on Lily, not wanting anyone else. Sirius felt his chest tighten a little from the thought. You always want what you cannot have…

His thoughts broke when someone coughed. Sirius attention went back to the younger students in front of him. The sight made him chuckle. Only three was holding a glass with the flaming liquid, five more had escaped when Sirius concentration had been elsewhere. Two stood staring skeptic, and maybe a little terrified, at the drinks.

The three brave wizards holding the glasses were carefully sipping on the liquid. Sirius started to laugh from their grimaces. One dropped the glass and started to cough, one looked at the glass with a horrified expression, wondering what the hell this was, and the last was gagging. This sight made the two, who had still not tasted the fire whiskey, to retreat backwards, deciding that this was one thing they could live without doing.

Remus Lupin, who was coming towards them, rolled his eyes. "You are so mean, Sirius."

Sirius looked at his friend and grinned in respond. "Here to punish the naughty boy, Remus?" Always the drunk flirt.

Remus rolled his eyes again and snorted. Sirius smired, picked up one of the glasses filled with fire whiskey and held it out towards his friend. "Want one?"

Remus looked skeptic for a couple of seconds, fire whiskey wasn't his favorite, before accepting it. He mumbled a 'thank you' and took a sip. "I think you should go and talk to James."

Sirius frowned slightly. "Why?"

Remus gave a small smile. "He's trying to drown himself in a bottle. Lily rejected him again."

Sirius gave a low chuckle. "Yeah, I saw. She threw her bloody drink at him." He picked up two glasses and looked around. James was currently sitting in a corner, clutching a bottle of whiskey. Sirius looked back at Remus.

"I'll talk to him. With my friends Fire and Whiskey." He smirked, winked at him, turned around and started to walk towards his drunken best friend."

…

…

Sirius lay staring up at the ceiling, long after everyone had gone to bed. Even Peter had stopped puking in the bathroom and shuffled back into bed. The low snore coming from said boy's bed told Sirius that he was asleep.

Sirius sighed deeply. He couldn't sleep. All his thoughts swirled around the boy laying in the bed on his left. James and Sirius had been drinking a lot, James more than him. So he had needed help to get back to the dorm. And Sirius had been the lucky bastard to help. He didn't mind though, he always leaped to the chance to be so close to James. Gorgeous, beautiful James. With his gorgeous, beautiful, big cock. Sirius let out a small chuckle. Alright, he had to admit to himself. Maybe he was a bit drunk. But who wouldn't want to touch James' gorgeous, big, soft cock?

Sirius bit his lip. He couldn't think about that. He wouldn't. It was wrong to have such feelings about his best friend, his brother. But he couldn't keep his thoughts to wander, to wanting, to dreaming. He had seen James' cock before, they were boys after all and shared a dorm.

But tonight he couldn't keep his thoughts away. All he could think about was James' breath on his cheek when he helped him up the stairs. How his beautiful face was flushed from laugher and alcohol. And his smell. The smell that always intoxicated him and made him want to bath in it. Sirius picked up his shirt without thinking and laid it across his face. He took a deep breath and sighed happily. It still smelled like James. "Oh James," he mumbled. But it wasn't enough, he wanted more, needed more. He wanted to taste his skin, lick it. Lick him. Sirius groaned softly. He wanted, he needed…

Before he knew it, he was halfway across to the other bed. He stopped in front of it and stared at the hangings. He licked his lips. He was just going to have a little look, he told himself. Just to see if James was asleep or not.

Sirius opened the drapes and looked down at the sleeping figure. James was sleeping on his side, with his face pointed away from Sirius. But he didn't need to see it. He already knew how beautiful James looked when he was asleep.

Sirius hesitated for a couple of seconds, before he slipped under the blanked and curled himself against the other boy's warm body. James wouldn't notice, he was fast asleep. Sirius was just going to lie there a little. He draped his hand carefully around sleeping boy's stomach and pressed his face towards James' neck. He took a deep breath, taking in the delicious scent of the other male. It was even better than he had remembered.

Having James so close, feeling the warm body and having his smell in his nose made lust bubble up inside of him. He always wanted to touch but he couldn't. Didn't dare to. But now James was asleep, he wouldn't know. Sirius just wanted to touch a little more now that he had the chance. He would never dare to when he was sober. But the alcohol made him reckless. And he wasn't going to do anything bad, just touch his stomach. His gorgeous stomach, harden from playing Quidditch outside in the sun all day. James has a gorgeous body. One Sirius envied, but he'd rather just lick James'. He groaned softly from the thought. How he wish he could.

Sirius let his hand slip under the other male's shirt and started to stroke the hard, beautiful stomach.

Suddenly James' body froze and Sirius felt himself do the same.

"Sirius, what are you doing?" Came the careful voice, slurred with sleep and alcohol. Sirius swallowed silently. James hadn't been asleep. But now Sirius was too gone to care. The alcohol swirling in his head made him reckless, not wanting to care. Not when James was so close.

Sirius answered with an innocent. "What?" and continued to massage his stomach.

James grunted and gripped the hand, trying to remove it. But Sirius wasn't budging. His tummy was so nice and hard to touch. He didn't want to stop, so he didn't. Normally James would have easily removed his arm, but his actions were slurred with alcohol. Sirius was happy he hadn't drunk as much as James had. If he had, then he wouldn't have been able to even get out of his bed.

"Stop spooning me, would you," James grumbled. Obviously not comfortable. But Sirius didn't seem to care.

"But you are nice and comfortable," Sirius replied and squeezed him closer. Doing this meant that his crotch touched James, and he let out a low moan. He hadn't noted that he had become hard, but he wasn't surprised. It was obvious that James had felt him when his body tightened.

"Padfoot…?"

Sirius hummed quietly. James felt so nice, so warm. He let the hand touching his stomach run slowly down, causing a quiver run the length of James' body. But Sirius wasn't really paying attention, just had to touch, he felt so good.

"What are you-?"

"Shush, Prongs," Sirius practically purred against James' ear.

James breath left him in sharp heavy pants as Sirius' hand brushed over the lowest part of his stomach and then rand lightly over his cock.

"Sirius!"

"Prongs, I told you, be quiet," Sirius whispered and pressed a delicate kiss to the back of his neck. He would make him feel good. James was so beautiful and defenseless right now. How could he not take advantages of that? Besides, he would make James feel good. It was a win win situation in his opinion.

James lay emotionless next to him. His entire body was shaking, but he couldn't move because of the alcohol. Sirius continued to stroke and kissing him. He tasted and felt even better than he had ever imagined. The stroking hand tightened around him, and he could her James let out a small whimper. Sirius purred, happy with getting a sound, even if it was small, from James. Sirius rubbed his erection against James' lower back, causing a soft gasp coming from both of them.

"Please stop," James groaned, his cock not listening to his mouth and hardening in Sirius' skilled hand.

Sirius frowned slightly, but didn't stop stroking his delicious big cock. James felt even better in his hand now that he was hardening. He shook his head. "No way, you want this Prongs." He needed him to want it, to want him. He'd show him that he could be a better lover then Lily.

James whimpered again. "I really don't."

Sirius let out a small growl. He leaned closer, crushing him under his weight, making any attempts of escape impossible. Sirius removed his hand slowly from James' crotch and hooked his fingers at the waistband of the other male's bottoms and pulled lightly until his arse was fully revealed to him. And what a beautiful ass it was. Sirius licked his lips.

"Padfoot!" James protested, but Sirius silenced him with a small bite to the neck, making James groan.

"This is going to feel good, James." Sirius whispered. He'll make him feel better than he'd ever felt before. Having James pant underneath him was making Sirius wild. He wanted him so much, he had wanted him for so long, and here was finally the chance to get what he wanted. He wouldn't let the chance slip away. He couldn't think clearly with all the alcohol in his body, all he could think about was how good James felt and how much he wanted him.

"Why are you doing this?" James whispered. Sirius didn't answer, he couldn't tell him that he was in love with him. That he had lain every night the past two years aching to touch him, knowing that he slept just a bed away from him. Sirius placed another kiss to James' neck as he stroke his hand over his tights with a feather light touch.

James gasped. "Fuck, Sirius, you are drunk. You're not thinking clearly."

"I'm not as drunk as you," Sirius said softly, placing another kiss on that gorgeous neck.

"Exactly!" James cried into their enclosed space, his mouth muffled by the pillow, "You're taking advantage of a drunk person."

"I'm not taking advantage," Sirius said quickly, "you want this too." He tried not to sound pleading. He knew James wanted it. He had to want it.

"I bloody well don't," James cried angrily.

Sirius pursed his lips, but fell quiet against James. What was he going to do? James said that he didn't want it. But Sirius did, Merlin knows how much he wanted that boy. He stared longing after him for so long. Sirius felt his chest tighten. If he could just show James how much he loved him, then maybe James would realize that he loved him back?

Sirius made up his mind and stuck a couple of fingers into his mouth. He sucked at them quickly. When he was done he ran a finger against James' arse. A moment later he dipped it in between the other boy's cheek, causing James to gasp.

"You really don't think you want this?" Sirius asked, than pushed his finger deep into James's heat.

With a strangled cry of pleasure, pain and confusion James bit down onto his pillow.

"Feels good doesn't?" Sirius hummed. He had practiced it on himself, imagining it was James. It probably felt ten times more satisfying when it was someone else doing it.

"No," James whimpered, "Oh Merlin, stop."

Sirius didn't, he started to pump his finger in and out of James' body. Feeling the rippling walls that trapped his finger when he went in all the way to his knuckle. Sirius groaned from the feeling. James felt so good, so fucking amazing. He couldn't wait to be inside of him. He knew that he would be even tighter and warmer against his cock. James was writhing and whimpering and rocking against him. Sirius smirked a little. He knew James would like it.

"You seem to be enjoying it though."

James didn't answer, he hadn't expected that much either. Sirius lowered his head and purred into James' ear, nipping it gently with his teeth. James let out a small gasp.

"I want to make you scream my name, Prongs." Sirius continued to purr, while pushing in another finger. "I want to give you so much pleasure."

James bit his lip hard. "If-if you want to please me, then-then, p-please, stop." James begged.

Sirius only shook his head. "I've wanted this for so long." He buried his nose into James's hair and inhaled deeply. He smelled so good, even better now that the smell of sex was mixed with it, it made Sirius groan. "I've wanted to fuck you so much." He couldn't keep the words in. He was to gone in the lust. He needed him, wanted him so badly.

James body tense and Sirius could imagine his eyes wide open with fright. This made him sad, but he would show him there was nothing to be afraid of. He'd be gentle this time, next time it could be wilder. James just had to be tamed first.

"Oh fuck, please Sirius, no!" James cried out. "Don't do this, please." James started to write underneath him, trying to get him off. It only ended with Sirius fingers going deeper inside of him, making him groan.

Sirius kissed James' neck and mumbled: "It's going to be alright. I'm going make you feel good."

He pulled his fingers out and roused a little, so that he could shift his angle. Sirius gazed down at his best friend. He looked so good lying like that underneath him, with his ass showing. He bit down the urge to spank it, he could do that another time. It never occurred to him in this drunken state that it might never happen again, that James would never talk to him again after this. No, All he could think about was how good James looked, and how much he really really wanted him, needed him.

Sirius took his dick into his hand and stroked it slowly. He was painfully hard. He moved it towards James' entrance and started to carefully push into him.

"FUCK!" James screamed loudly.

Sirius bit his lip and stopped, he didn't want to harm him, but there was no other way. He took his hand around James' face and placed it on his mouth. Even though he'd love to hear James' whimper, they couldn't get caught. James' breath came heavily in and out towards his hands while Sirius sank slowly into him. Merlin, he felt amazing. Better than any bird Sirius had ever had.

"Oh shit, James, you are so tight." His voice strained from the pleasure he was feeling. James responded with a pain filled whimper against his palm. "It'll feel better in a minute."

Sirius took his time sinking completely into him. He didn't want to hurt him, he wanted James to enjoy it too. But it was hard to wait, all his instincts were yelling at him to pound into the warm tight body. But he had to wait, he couldn't rush it. He wanted James to be stretched, to be relaxed, to enjoy the experience he knew himself would.

"I'm going to start moving now," he warned James, rather breathlessly, after two-three minutes.

James shook his head and made noises in the back of his throat, pleading Sirius not to, because it burned.

Slowly, Sirius' hips moved back and his cock slipped out of James' body except for the very tip and just as slowly he sank back in. He groaned heavily as he felt himself get buried up to the base.

"Oh fuck," he panted

James felt so fucking good. He couldn't believe that he was actually fucking James Potter. After all those years of wanting, of lusting, of only dreaming of this day, and now it was finally happening. James lay motionless under him while he repeated the action again and again. He wished James would move, but he suppose it was too much to hope for.

"I can't believe I'm the first person to do this to you," Sirius groaned as he gave a harder thrust into him. This rewarded him with a deep whimper from James.

Sirius continued to move harder in and out of him. Loving the tight warm feeling of his lover. Sirius gasped from the pleasure and moved his cock at a different angle, hitting James' prostate.

"_Sirius!_" Came the muffled cry against his hand. Sirius felt a warm feeling in his chest from hearing that name come from James. He peeled off his hand from James' mouth.

"Does it feel good, Jamie?" He asked with a puffed voice. "Didn't I promise it would feel good?"

James shook his head but made the most ridiculous noises at the same time. Sirius groaned softly, he hadn't imagined how James' sounds would turn him on even more. James started to finally move his hips against Sirius'. Burying his cock even harder against James' prostate. It made them both cry out in ecstasy.

Sirius snaked his hand beneath James' body and grabbed his leaking cock. Sirius began to pound himself harder and harder, making James cry out.

"Fuck!" He screamed out, "Sirius, Fuck!" And with that James' came hard into Sirius' hand.

Sirius moaned, feeling James' abused walls tremble around his cock, and with another trust into that warm, gorgeous body, he came with James' name on his lips.

Sirius collapsed on his friend's back. The pair lay like that for a long time, gasping for air. When the afterglow of the orgasm settled, Sirius felt a pang of terror fill him. What had he done? He had taken advantage over his drunk best friend. James had tried to push him off and say no, and Sirius hadn't stopped, hadn't listened. 'Oh dear Merlin, what have I done?'

Sirius rolled off James, pulling himself out at the same time. He stared up at the ceiling. He had ruined everything. How could James ever forgive him? Sirius turned his head and saw James watching him with big eyes. He was still laying on his stomach, covered in sweat. Sirius felt a sick feeling to his stomach.

"Please don't hate me." He whimpered pathetically. He couldn't live with James hating him. He had made a big big mistake, and he supposed he could blame it on the alcohol. But that didn't change the fact that he had actually _raped_ his best friend.

James didn't answer, he just stared at him with those wide hazel eyes. Eyes that usually made Sirius' knees weak, but now he only felt dread. He couldn't tell what James was thinking, what he was feeling. Sirius swallowed a lump.

"James, I…" He laid a hand carefully at his arm, but before he touched it, James recoiled and got a scared flash in his eyes. Sirius felt like crying. He hadn't meant all this to happen. He had just lost it for a sec in his want, his need to be with James. He didn't want James to be afraid of him, it would break his heart.

Sirius sat up, threw the cover off him and stood up. He looked down at James with a sad expression, and turned around and walked quickly to his nightstand. He picked up his wand and bit his lip. He had to do this. It would make things better between them. He couldn't lose James' friendship, he couldn't. It was the only thing that was keeping him sane.

Sirius turned quickly around and pointed the wand at the boy in the bed. James saw the wand and sat up, with a wince. He gave Sirius a terrified expression. If he could rape him, what else was the Black capable off?

"Sirius what-?"

"Don't," Sirius took a step forward and James fell silent immediately, while staring at him with big scared eyes. Sirius saw him eyeing his own wand, lying in the nightstand. James was a griffindor after all, he wouldn't succumb without a fight a secound time.

"James look. I didn't mean for any of this to happen, believe me. It was the alcohol."

James looked back at Sirius and gave him a small smile. "Of course mate, I know. Just. Lower your wand and we'll talk about it." He was talking to Sirius like he was a child, like if he was an unstable person. Sirius let out a small growl, this wasn't working.

"James, I'm sorry. I love you."

And before James could react or reply, Sirius tightened his grip and yelled.

"Obliviate!"


End file.
